Hilarious Dating Quotes

Garry Shandling

"I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over."


Dave Attell

"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn't really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed."

David Spade

"I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her."

Joey Adams

"Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you."

Clark Gable

"It is an extra dividend when you like the girl you've fallen in love with.
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Larry David

"Golf and dating don’t mix."

Matthew S. Field

"There should be a CarFax for single women. If you were interested in dating a woman, you could check her major accidents, hidden problems, whether she’s a lemon, and warranty information."

Alex Reed

"I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me. I didn’t think she’d actually demand to see the bat cave."

Rodney Dangerfield

"I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again."