Single fathers, I’ve got you’re back. I really do. When I see or hear about an ex-wife who is preventing you from seeing your children, I support you any way I can. If you have questions about “getting back out there” to start dating again after a tumultuous divorce, brother, I’m your wingman. Need suggestions for a healthy meal or someone to listen to a parenting issue, I'm with you.
|It's okay to seek happiness, single dads,|
but not at the expense of your kids.
However, when one of you dumb sons-of-bitches does something so fucking stupid that it damages one of your children and makes the rest of us responsible single fathers look bad, well, you can bet your ass I’m going to call you on it.
So, I know a single father who, well, contributed significantly to the end of his marriage. While his now ex-wife was pregnant with the couple’s second child, she was involved in a life-threatening accident. What was this guy doing when she had the accident and when she was in the hospital? Well, he was fucking some other woman. Class act, huh?
The things that happen between a man and a woman prior to the infidelity are the business of that man and woman and not mine. Maybe, the guy’s wife was a horrible person. Maybe, she was a manipulative, narcissistic, unsupportive, psychopathic witch of a partner. Not my business. However, “banging the babysitter” is not the way a gentleman handles ending a relationship with the pregnant mother of his children while she lay in a hospital bed.
Recently, he bought a house where his two children, now teenagers, would stay during the times the shared custody agreement provided for it. His son was so excited about his new room that he picked a paint color and rolled the paint on the walls himself.
Subsequently, during the last few months, in fact, our single father brother began a relationship with a woman who was very freshly separated and who also has two children. Foolishly, in my humble opinion, our subject asked his new girlfriend to move in to his house. Due to limited space and to accommodate his new girlfriend and her children, he gave one of her children his own son’s room. Now, when he has visitation with his children, our boy's children sleep on the sofa while his girlfriend’s children sleep in the bedrooms.
Dude. What? The. Fuck.
|Your behavior, single dad, has a direct impact on your child's behavior.|
Not surprisingly, our single father brother’s children are angry at him for giving their rooms to his girlfriend's kids. His daughter will no longer talk to him. The other child still wants to have a relationship with his father, but has begun act out in a number of unproductive and potentially dangerous ways including drug use and behavioral issues at school. Is the drug use and behavior at school directly related to his dad's girlfriend's family moving in to his dad's house? Who the hell knows? I'd bet good money, though, it's related.
Considering there are more than two million single fathers and the number of page views of the blog is only a few thousand each month, it’s unlikely that this guy will ever see this post. However, for those who are readers, put your kids first. It’s fine if you want to spend time with your buddies. It’s okay of you want to enjoy the company of a lovely lady. For most of us, we have to work for the money we need to pay the bills. Heck, you may even want to remarry and your partner may have children. (I almost did.)
Your children may not always understand the reasons you do the things you do to be the best parent you can be. Sometimes, you will make a mistake. That's all right. Make time for your kids and let them know by your actions and words that your children are the reason you make the decisions you make. However, don't be a douche-hole. Regardless of what you do to keep yourself physically and emotionally healthy, do those things while keeping your children the priority. Literally.