Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Are you a "Bisquick Dad?"

No kidding. It’s completely all right to be a "Bisquick Dad."

So, what is a Bisquick Dad? Well, in short, a Bisquick Dad is a good man who has taken responsibility for his children, regardless of any other circumstances, and tries his best to make healthy meals for his family and himself. He often solicits the assistance of products including, but not limited to, Bisquick, Hamburger Helper, Rice-A-Roni, Kraft Mac & Cheese Dinners, and so forth.

The cool thing, Bisquick Dad, is the fact that you are an active caring father for your children.

Not every dad is a Julliard-trained chef.

I’m certainly not, but what I am is an experienced single father and I have learned by making many, many mistakes.

Considering my numerous trials and even more numerous errors, I have found a number of ways to help keep my kidlings healthy and fit through diet. One of my tricks includes substituting healthier ingredient for basic, Bisquick Dad recipes. So, here’s a suggestion for the next time you make pancakes for your brood and use Bisquick.

Get more protein in your children's diets by substitute a half a cup of Bob’s Red Mill Almond Flour for a half a cup of Bisquick. By doing so, you’ll be replacing that half of a cup of almost pure carbohydrates, 42 grams compared to 12 grams, with a half a cup of almost pure protein, 4.5 grams compared to 14 grams.
Don’t stop there. As I’d blogged a few weeks ago, by substituting Fairlife 2% Milk, the protein doubles from about 7 grams to about 13 grams per cup. And, finally, consider replacing the couple of eggs in the Bisquick recipe with egg whites. The egg whiles will cut 125 calories, 10 grams of fat, and a whopping 370 milligrams of cholesterol.

So, with those little changes, Bisquick Dad, you’ve made a healthier pancake/waffle/biscuit for your progeny while giving them the energy to take on their day. Now, if you can only get them to do their homework when they get home from school.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

On Slut Shaming

Been seeing what appears to be a concerted media campaign to bring slut shaming to the forefront in order, I suppose, well, I don't know what the hell these people want to do by bringing slut shaming into the public discourse. Maybe it has something to do with Hillary Rodham Clinton's campaign for the White House.

UrbanDictionary.com defines slut shaming as "an unfortunate phenomenon in which people degrade or mock a woman because she enjoys having sex, has sex a lot, or may even be rumored to participate in sexual activity. Often, it's accompanied by urban legends such as the common virgin misconception that the vagina becomes larger or looser with use . . .  since most people would rather women be more sexually active than less, slut shaming is counterproductive of most men and quite a few ladies."

So, when I hear someone say to me, "What's the difference between a woman who has sex with a lot of men and a man who has sex with a lot of women," and really seems to want an answer, I know that person is either an idiot or has an agenda. Sometimes, both.
Monica Lewinski: Mercilessly Slut Shamed by the Same People Who
Decry Slut Shaming

Speaking of agendas, is it coincidental that many of the same voices who decry slut shaming are the very voices who slut shamed a 23 year old intern for consenting to sex with the most powerful man on the planet and who continue to slut shame her almost two decades later?

Sometimes, both.

(Straight talk alert. If you're not looking for direct, honest male perspective, turn away now.) There are three types of women in a man's eye: "No," "Yes," and "It." In a nutshell, a No is simply that. No. Just, no. Depending on the guy, this category could be very large or virtually non-existent. A Yes is an attractive and fun woman who, given the right set of circumstances, well, the answer is, "Yes." Okay. Fine. Great. Let's go. Again, there are a variety of factors at work here, but the Yes category is typically relatively small. Finally, there is the "It," you know, as in she really has It. She's the sort of girl who you bring home to meet your Mom. She's the sort of girl who you respect and love and to whom we, men of character and integrity, may even make a commitment. Very few of these ladies out there.

So, a woman who has sex with a lot of guys, may be a No girl, in which case a guy really shouldn't give a rat's ass what she does, or a Yes girl, in which case a guy shouldn't give a rat's ass what she does. In both cases, what do you care? An It girl probably wouldn't have sex with outside of the committed relationship unless that's what the two of you are into, in which case, more power to you. As a guideline, however, it's not in her nature to sleep with other dudes because she's the kind of gal who respects her partner.


Bottom line, gentlemen, it just doesn't make any sense. A gentleman doesn't shame sluts.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Cablevision/Optimum Complaint: A Negligent Failure to Protect Children

"Dad, do we still have Optimum?"
As parents, we work very hard to keep our children out of harm's way. When they're infants we keep them warm and clean and fed. When they're toddlers we install child-safe devices on doors and cabinets and keep prescriptions with child-proof caps out of reach. We read to them and help them with their homework. As they grow older, we talk with our children about the dangers of alcohol and drugs, cigarettes, and unprotected sex.

A single dad certainly doesn't expect to have the vendors and products he brings into his family's home create additional dangers, but that's exactly what has happened to at least one single dad when Cablevision's Optimum (now Altice USA's Optimum) television service failed to protect his child.

Office of the Attorney General
Eric T. Schneiderman
The Capitol
Albany, NY 12224-0341

Re:  Cablevision/Optimum Complaint: A Negligent Failure to Protect Children

Dear Mr. Schneiderman:

In 2014, I was a customer of Cablevision/Optimum television service. Using the Cablevision/Optimum website, which had been recommended in the company’s own tutorial, I established parental controls including password-protected time, rating, and channel exclusions. I verified that the parental controls worked and prevented my children from accessing what I considered to be inappropriate programming. However, at some point, those parental controls failed and Cablevision/Optimum gave me no notification of the failure.

As a result of the failure of Cablevision/Optimum’s parental controls, my then nine year old son accessed inappropriate programming, including pay-per-view, during a period that began on June 14, 2014 and ended when I discovered the failure on June 25, 2014.

I terminated my account with Cablevision/Optimum and have subsequently returned all of Cablevision/Optimum’s equipment and paid all balances with the exception of $177.95, which represents the charges related to pay-per-view charges. In spite of numerous phone calls and correspondence, Cablevision/Optimum has refused to take responsibility for the failure citing, “It wasn’t our equipment.” I am unclear whether the company’s explanation suggests it does not take responsibility for the cable boxes it leases to customers or whether they do not take responsibility for its own Internet applications because those applications are accessed using customers’ personal computers.

Regardless, Cablevision/Optimum has not explained how it will prevent similar service failures that may result in children accessing inappropriate and potentially psychologically damaging programming. In addition, Cablevision/Optimum has continued to hold me responsible for the $177.95 cost of the programming that my son accessed and referred the balance to a third-party collector, which threatened to report me to credit rating agencies.

Very truly yours,

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxxxxx

C:            Better Business Bureau


So, let's review: The customer used the Optimum/Altice 
Third-Rate Optimum: Parked on a customer's lawn.
Internet application to establish parental controls. The parental controls worked, but then failed. The customer's nine year old son was able to access inappropriate content. Optimum/Altice denied responsibility and refused to credit the purchases to the customer's account.

A guy doesn't have to look find hundreds of other complaints about Cablevision/Optimum/Altice. Donald of Norwalk, Connecticut writes, "There is no rating low enough to fit Optimum from Cablevision. Packed with lies and misinformation."I do not recommend the service from Cablevision to anybody," writes Niraj from Jackson, New Jersey. "Please get any other service and avoid Cablevision . . ." To read the scores of other customer complaints, visit the Consumer Affairs web pages, including Consumer Affairs: Optimum Complaints and Reviews and Consumer Affairs: Cablevision Complaints and Reviews.

Optimum: Unsafe for Children
The Cablevision/Altice Optimum brand is, in my humble opinion, third-rate. If you happen to be an Optimum customer, a parent of younger children, and use parental controls, then please be vigilant. Check regularly to make sure the parental controls are still working. You want to be able to make dinner or mow the lawn and not worry that the Optimum/Altice parental control stopped working. Maybe it's time to look elsewhere for television service.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Most Idiotically Overused Social Media Posts

So, look, I'm not beyond using memes to illustrate a point or to make a joke. I share and even occasionally create what I think are interesting or ironic quotes and pictures. But, let's be honest here. Like in the 1990's and the early '00's when email jokes were recycled and resent after some knucklehead discovered the Internet or signed up for AOL, (Millennials, you can Google, "AOL" now) some memes have just become tedious.

1) Mike. Mike. Mike. It's Hump Day.

We get it. Wednesday is the middle of the work week. After you drive home from the office, the plant or the job site on Wednesday, you'll be over the "hump" and on a glide-path to the weekend. Yep, got it. Camels have humps. Uh huh.

It wasn't even that funny the first time. If this is the depth and breadth of your sense of humor, the you should apply for a job at an animal crematorium, as a septic truck operator, with the United States Post Office, or in a human resources department. (My apologies to my friend, Mike.)

2) If You Can't Handle Me at My Worst . . .

Of course, it's invariably some over-dramatic, super high-maintenance, single woman who posts this quote after some guy dumped her. Every. Single. Time. Four exclamation points for emphasis.

Okay, let's get this straight, Sweetheart. First, you aren't Marilyn Monroe. Only someone like Marilyn Monroe could possibly have gotten away with spouting some shit like this. Second, if you use anymore than one exclamation point, you are a moron. Since you posted this, well, I guess we already know that. Third, if you weren't such a psychopathic lunatic, giving some poor guy "your worst" all the damned time, you'd probably have a man in your life right now. Frankly, I have some serious reservations whether your best could possibly be good enough to put up with that brand of crazy. Finally, Marilyn Monroe couldn't even get away with this mouthful of feces. She was such a nutbag, Jack, Bobby, or both had the CIA whack her and made it look like a suicide.

3) The Janitor & the CEO

You expect me to believe know a CEO? Even a bigger willing suspension of my disbelief, you expect me to accept as an invariable truth you'll stop, while wandering through the hallways of your kids' school or in the building where you work after five o'clock to see the hardworking people who clean the camel shit from your cubicle on Wednesday nights? I doubt you even speak Spanish. Hypocrite.

4) Answer this Equation

You pompous prick. I guess you want us to know that you got an "A" in fifth grade math. Congratulations. Talk about low self-esteem. There isn't a pick-up truck big enough to compensate for what you're lacking. Besides, if you want to know the answer, just ask my ex. Considering that no undeniable life truth, religious canon, local, state, or federal law, or irrefutable mathematical proof can interfere with her view of reality, the answer is whatever she says it is.

5) The Glass is Half . . .

Oh, gosh, you're so clever. And you're such and optimist. You make the rest of us look not only like pessimists, but idiots as well. The glass is always full. Wow. Let's see how long you can survive on just air while my thumbs are on your windpipe. Asshole.

6) Which one is Different?

Who gives a rat's ass?

7) How many boxes?

I recall the Golden Age of social media, I think it was a few hours during the late summer 2011, when people who I knew and cared a little about used to post interesting things or a picture about themselves or their families.
They'd come up with mostly original content and I was interested. Occasionally, but only occasionally, my naive Great Uncle Ralph whose two-year old grandson helped him sign up for Facebook would post a ignorant story about religion or politics or some other damned thing that would make me chuckle condescendingly. Now, everyone is Great Uncle Ralph.

Now, please don't waste my time asking me how many boxes there are and don't forget to count the box that contains the puzzle.

8) Thirty Days Off the Grid & Get a Hundred Large?

So, this has come in various forms including a rustic cabin in the woods or one of those trendy micro-homes, but the theme is consistent. The meme asks something to the effect of, "Would you live in this house with no electricity, Internet, etc, for 30 days (or a year or whatever) for a moderately large sum of money?

Really? First, my answer is and always has been, "Yes." Second, I'd pay you to inhabit a shack in Arkansas if I didn't have to answer my phone for a month or read your stupid fucking memes on Facebook again. Third, I answered this question the first 500 times I saw this meme.

Now, shut the fuck up.