If you haven't already read "'Out on the edge . . . ' on Martha's Vineyard: Part I," now might be a good time to get caught up: click HERE.
Okay, now you can read on.
While researching The Single Father’s Guide to Life, Cooking and Baseball and the manuscript for its sequel, Dating, Relationships, Sex and the Single Father, (which is not yet in print), I discovered there are roughly 154,000 widower single fathers (WSF) in the U.S., of which I am one. Assuming there are a few more than 300 million people who call the Nifty Fifty their home, only five one-hundredths of one percent of American citizens are WSFs. Exclusive club, huh?
Okay, now you can read on.
* * *
While researching The Single Father’s Guide to Life, Cooking and Baseball and the manuscript for its sequel, Dating, Relationships, Sex and the Single Father, (which is not yet in print), I discovered there are roughly 154,000 widower single fathers (WSF) in the U.S., of which I am one. Assuming there are a few more than 300 million people who call the Nifty Fifty their home, only five one-hundredths of one percent of American citizens are WSFs. Exclusive club, huh?
A WSF typically has full custody of his children, so his
days either directly or indirectly revolve around his children. He is almost
literally on-duty as a parent every minute of every day of the year. That doesn’t
leave much time just for himself. If the WSF works outside of the home and has
a professional caregiver for his kids, at least a thread of his energy and
attention is still directed toward their safety and well-being. If he’s “lucky”
enough to work at a home office or business, then he may be
even more directly involved in his children’s lives including anything from organizing
playgroups to volunteering in PTA’s.
The latter situation is the one which I’d chose
for my family.
* * *
Even though I brought cereal, I also brought
eggs and bacon. So, when I finally woke up after eight o'clock on Saturday morning, I started to
cook. It wasn't long before the smell of bacon rousted the sleepier heads. Upon connecting with the savory aroma from the kitchen, the Second Beautiful Daughter boasted to her friend Shannon, "My dad makes the best
scrambled eggs."
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Inland pond near the west side of Martha's Vineyard |
We really took our time getting up and out of
the house for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was
The Favorite Son's
discovery of the existence of Netflix among several other on-demand movie and
television services. So, it was probably after Noon when the four of us
finally dislodged ourselves, literally, and began to enjoy some of what the
island offered. We hopped in the car and drove west on North Road toward the
actual center of Chilmark where North, Middle, and South Roads intersect. We
stopped a couple times to get cell phone photos of some unique and
beautiful views before we serendipitously found ourselves at Lobsterville
Beach.
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John Belushi: "I'm a dancer!" |
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TFS "representing" on Lucy Vincent Beach |
We only stayed at Lobsterville Beach for a
little while because we weren't sure of the beach access rules. I later learned
that beach permits would not be required until May 1, which was still weeks
away, we needn't have worried. Still, all but The Favorite Son dipped our toes
in the cold Vineyard Sound water.
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Beach combers? |
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The Second Beautiful Daughter at Lucy Vincent Beach |
When the movie ended, all but the fourth grader went
to bed. The Favorite Son stayed up to watch, get this, The Walking Dead. Readers of the Favorite Son Saga already know he’s
fascinated by what he believes is the inevitable zombie apocalypse.
We were slightly more organized on Sunday
morning, although we didn’t rush right of the house. Breakfast for the kids was
TOTAL Raisin Bran while I had a couple of soft-boiled eggs. After a call to
Lauren to clarify the off-season beach rules and a great long walk that
included rectangle including North Road, Tabor House Road, Middle Road through
Chilmark, down Menemsha Road and back to North Road, I drove to Lucy Vincent
Beach (LVB). LVB is southward facing and has incredible formations consisting of
both giant ocean stones and eroded beach bluff. The waves rolling up from the
Atlantic Ocean are beautiful. We spent several hours exploring the beach,
sometimes together and sometimes by ourselves. The Favorite Son built little
formations of sand and wave-worn stones.
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Shan-Apps, K-Mats, & me, T-Mats, at Lucy Vincent Beach |
When we finally left LVB, I drove to
Edgartown, where every home in the delightful little village is painted white
with black accents. We wanted to grab a sandwich and ice cream, but the shops wouldn’t be open until the tourist season, so it was back to
Vineyard Haven and Stop ‘n’ Shop. In addition to a few healthy things to eat, I bought four boxes of Klondike Bars, which
were on-sale two for five dollars. The kids had already cleaned out Lauren’s
freezer of the popsicles and ice cream sandwiches, so I thought it would only
have been mannerly to restock a little.
By Sunday night, after having enjoyed a great
walk, LVB, and a couple of fun days out of my routine with two of my
kids, I’d regained some peace of mind. Frankly, I was conflicted about returning to the
Hudson Valley. On one hand, the kids were off school for the week for spring
break and, for me, there really wasn’t anything that couldn’t wait for another
day or two. As I’ve already mentioned, WSF’s are on duty full-time times
three, including weekends and no overtime pay. I missed my First Beautiful
Daughter and, in spite of the fact she’s a responsible and intelligent nearly
seventeen year old, I worried about her. (Of course, she doesn’t want to know
that because she’s a young woman, but it is what it is). She’s spent the
weekend with trusted friends, but she’d planned to sleep at our house alone that
night and I didn’t want that to become a habit. We’d head back on Monday.
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Good fences make good neighbors |
The time wasn’t all mine, but that’s okay. I’ve
gotten used to that. It’s the hand I'm playing even if Fate sometimes deals from the
bottom of the deck. Besides, it’s nice to see my kids relax and enjoy themselves
a little, too. I won’t have this time with them forever, as evidenced by The First
Beautiful Daughter’s choice not to join us.
I’ll enjoy it while I can, on the edge, in the middle, and everywhere in
between.
Thank you, Lauren.
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Beautiful view of a Chilmark pasture and Atlantic Ocean in the distance from Middle Road |
Thank you, Lauren.
* * *
Lauren has exchanged a
career in Corporate America for a career as a successful real estate agent
which provides her with more flexibility to be with her family. For information
about both homes and other property for sale or rent on Martha's Vineyard or on
Cape Cod, please call friend Lauren Dubuc at 774-219-9297 and visit Lauren's Realtor.com page for great listings!